I went to the 8 o'clock NA meeting today. The topic was "what do you do to get out of a funk" or something to that nature. I heard some really good shares, but I spent most of the time deconstructing my sexual compulsions during the meeting. I realize that I suffer from a bad case of "terminal uniqueness" as I've heard others say, and I admitted to myself that I feel like everyone should be attracted to me. I end up resenting the people that are not into me. But at the same time if someone thinks I'm cute and is interested, I unconsiously feel I'm not worthy and feel unattractive and don't know how to handle the persons interest in me. I hate how catch-22 that cycle is. Now that I've identified it, I think I need to actively participate in some real sexual healing through an SLAA or SCA meeting. I wasn't comfortable with the one SLAA meeting I was at, but I need to face that and press forward. I rushed home to meet someone on ICUII that was interested in hooking up even though I know I shouldn't; luckily, he wasn't online so that fell through. I'm going to stay away from chat and other online environments. I think that's best.

I did call my sponser earlier today. She's feeling better. I'm going to call her tomorrow and check in. I need to commit to more work -- half measures avail me nothing! But I'm glad I finally finished "phase I" of cleaning my room; all my files have gone through an initial file grouping. I ended up throwing away 2 full trashbags of waste in all, mostly NSF statements. But I'm happy I have that done -- yeaye, and accomplishment!

Today was my first day at work with Megan out on maternity leave. I think I did very well, considering I was juggling both her responsibilities and my supervision my old ones with Michael acting in my place.

Speaking of funks, I am sorta in one right now over my finances. I'm cutting my medication in half because I'm out of money and can't afford a refill right now, but I know that is so wrong to do. I'll see how that goes. I'm filing my Flex Account spendings tomorrow, so I should get $273 in the next few days. That will really help out. I need to pay $41 to register for this 6-day work program the court assigned me as part of my DUI sentencing, but I don't have the money to do that. I thought I heard or saw that I have 72 hours from the time I went to the courthouse to meet with a counselor for my assessment. That's already passed, but I hope I can still pay for the registration and move on. This afternoon I scheduled my DUI-class orientation for Monday, June 21st at 8am. It's 4 hours long, and I have to pay $391 upfront; they only do a payment plan if I'm on disability. That's so unfair, but those are the knocks. But I'm glad I've got that thing off my belt. I have to start my $1700 fine payments by July 9th. One good thing I did today, in regard to paying bills, is that I applied to have my student loan paid electronically which reduces my interest charge by .25%. It's a start.