I haven't posted in a long-ass time, obviously. There is so much going on, but I don't know if I'm overwhelmed; I probably am since I'm avoiding everything as usual. But I have very painful medical issues going on, so I haven't been able to focus on anything other than the pain I'm experiencing. Maybe greater men could, but sorry I couldn't.

I'm very sad. I think part of it was seeing Jason tonight at Richs. Jason was 12 when I last saw him when I was 17 and in foster care; he was my foster parent's grandson. Tonight, I saw him as a 21-year-old-man working security at the club. Of course I asked him if he was gay; he isn't. As cliche as it sounds, seeing him tonight took me back to a simplier time when I didn't have the breadth of problems that I do now. Plus it reminded me that I'm 26 and haven't done much with my life.

I went to San Francisco on March 18th for 15 days to meet someone I had been chatting with online. It was my intention to start chatting with San Franciscans as I want to move there, so I thought I'd get the jump on meeting and making new friends. Trey and I seemed to hit it off even with some tempestuous agruments via chat. I chopped it up to misunderstanding of intonation and inflection in our chats. But from the start it was volitale at its best. Still, we decided we had some "chemistry" between each other, and I decided to go to a local SF clinic and get tested for STDs.

I found out on March 29th, 2005, that I'm HIV+. I'm still waiting for the confirmation blood work, but the rapid test I took is very accurate. Then I started having problems with my rectum: painful, bloody bowel movements. It got so bad that I could barely move without causing a sharp pain to ravage through me, and I couldn't sleep comfortably through the night. Two weeks into the pain I'm back in San Diego and finally given some pain medication at the expense of an ER doctor shoving some analscope up my hole with some lube; the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I was impressed, though, with my manly screams; I figured I'd be hollaring on the top of my lungs like Mariah Carey on some good crack.

I actually had an appointment with a rectal surgeon the following day, but I was in so much pain that I thought I should go to the ER right away. They gave me vicodin, telling me to take one pill every four hours; I took five pills and felt no relief, so I gave up on the vicodin. The following day I saw the doctor, and he had no clue what was wrong, guessing that it was herpes. He prescribed valtrex and a generic form of percocet, which worked much better than the vicodin.

I had surgery on April 14th, and they removed an infected piece of tissue and did a biopsy. They ruled out herpes, thankfully, and all they were able to find was a high number of bacteria that occurs when one takes a lot of antibiotics, which was weird since I wasn't taking any. So they prescribed two medications to treat that.