I don't know why I continue doing things I shouldn't do. For instance, I met someone from online yesterday and biked to his house where I had gin for the first time mixed with Mountain Dew and smoked pot with the guy. I was so damn high; I had the most incredible epiphanies yet I failed trying to communicate them any time I opened my mouth. The guy I think was disappointed with me, but I guess that's fine since the "touching and sucking" session was pretty much one-sided. I pretty much got an e-mail send off with "thanks for coming"; should I have reminded him I never did? Just acknowledge and move on.

I need to set boundaries. I need to create a routine. I need to work a program.

It was a shitty day at work too. I forgot to take my irritability medication last night, and the pot didn't help, so I was a cranky bitch all day to everyone over the stupidest things. I met with our department's new VP, my boss, and a few other people for a little roundtable session, and I couldn't think straight and couldn't communicate my thoughts, and I was extremely intimidated at the meeting by all the senior personnel in the room. So needless to say I was disappointed in all my shakey half-sentences. I also realized I cannot jeopardize my job by being so irresponsible as getting high and drinking again. I think I started drinking again because somehow I think I can manage and control it. I'm going back to meetings, no questions asked this time.

One good thing is I got my bike tires filled with air on Sunday, so I no longer have an excuse not to go to the 8 o'clock meeting anymore... at least, not the same excuse. I got the air filled because I had to bike to Steve's house to go to lunch with him at this lo-carb restaurant called "Indulgance". I ran into someone I used to work with named Claudia, which was a nice surprise. But after lunch I headed to Pecs; surprisingly, I had a great time. And I met someone named Mario who came over to watch "Lost in Translation". He disappointed me with his embellished endowment, but I was quite happy with his kissing abilities.

Monday night I was good and stayed home doing laundry. And tonight I stayed home as well and cleaned my room a little, studying networking a little, but spent most of my time jerking off, damn it. Up the meds!