Ahhh I'm so excited; 2002! The last time there was a year that only required 2 numbers pressed in a staccato fashion was 1991 - 7th/8th grade. Anyway, that was a random observation. I guess observations are inherently random...

I should note that Billy died Friday night. I'm surprised its affecting me as much as it is, since we weren't really close friends. Death of a stranger is sad; of course it's heightened when you knew the person. I don't know; I really don't have much to say about it, but Billy will certainly be missed by a lot of people, including me.

I'm going to start tonight's festivities at the Calyph to see Don'L and Ria Carey perform - that should be fun. And then off to the Loft where I had such a great New Year's Eve time last year, the parts I remember, anyway...

I'm not going to San Francisco with Matt; I'm tired of his psycho-childishness. I'm trying to get Troy to go, even offering to pay his way, but so far he's declining. I'm not too worried; I know he's just giving me a hard time - he'll go.

A lot happened last night at the Calyph. We gathered there to celebrate his life. Some people couldn't come; the Calyph is where Billy had his heart attack. But I thought it was fitting since Karaoke and the Calyph were two of his most favorite things. It was a good night for me at the Calyph; I was in full voice for a change.

A lot more happened last night, but I don't feel like talking about it right now. Happy New Year!

The year is almost over!! wow...

I finally got my pre-employment drug screening test over with - what a pain! I went yesterday and they said they didn't have any "kits" to do the test with. I asked if I could reserve one, even offering to go to Rite-Aid and buying a cup or something. They told me to call the next day (which is today) to see if they received them. I call and I'm told, "Oh we had them, we just couldn't find them." Such astute professionalism...

I lost $260 last night at Viejas, darn it! Stupid me. But that's okay; I'm going to San Francisco January 25th - 28th with Matt. I didn't think I would be willing to go with him again. I guess it should be okay since Troy isn't coming (even though we invited him) and we're not driving up there again. I'm looking forward to it. I'm also planning to go to Mardi Gras with Zap the end of February, and to Seattle, Washington with the Gay Men's Chorus.

My back is feeling worse. On the left side of my hip bone where the spine connects, if feels like the cartilege is rubbing against each other, rocketing sharp pain through my body basically whenever I move. I need to set a new chiropractor appointment, cause I can't take much more of this.

I canceled Philosophy 110 since I won't have my car until the 31st of January. Phil 110 was a 3-week morning class at Grossmont College during it's "Winter Intercession." Since I won't have a car during this time, I won't be able to make it between home, school and work. A bummer, but it's nonetheless okay with me; I'm just excited to start school again, let alone getting my very first car/truck (not sure which yet)!

Oh god. Do you ever feel like you're going to die? I've been having mortality issues of late; I'm beginning to think I'm a hypochondriac.

Missed my chiropractor appointment because I didn't set the alarm because I was out late because I was getting drunk because my friends forced me because...because because because! Damn enablers! I didn't plan on really partying last night. The night culminated into falling into a 9-foot-deep puddle, á la "Poltergist III." I thought it would be funny to jump in a puddle and get Zap wet - instead I slip and fell into it. Walking home, I apologized to Zap the whole way. After my wakeup call this morning from David, whom I coordinated to meet with me at the Chiropractor to take me to work, I got out of bed and stepped on a soggy sock. "Why is my sock saturated with mucky water?" Horrified, last night suddenly pummeled my mind in the form of a monstrous headache - doh!

Oh, by the way, I didn't join 24hr fitness - at least, not yet. I went to finish my enrollment the following day, meeting Bobby at 6:30, only he doesn't show up when he's paged by the front desk, no one offers to find him, let alone assist me, and I'm pressed for time. I ended up leaving after 15 minutes without saying a word. I may go back later, but I'll definitely try avoiding that! I'd prefer Frogs Gym or something else.

I was hired on yesterday. Well it is contingent on passing a drug and background check (uh-oh!...). My official hire date will be December 31st. I'm so stoked!

The God Dionysus

Rupaul has a weblog. Great design, not to mention great posts!

And he likes Mariah!

Disgruntled Technology Newbie

I hate being so relatively new to the Computer Science field. I don't know many technical terms and inside stuff. Like the fact that the picture I posted in my previous post will only show if you go to the actual site I got the pic and capture it into my PCs cache (at least, that is what I think is going on). If I go to my site and right click on the pic and select "Show Picture," it won't show unless the pic is in my cache. I hate the fact that I'm actually linking a pic from another site instead of from my own server; I know that is gauche, but I don't know any other way to until I can concentrate on getting a PC (which seems to be happening really soon since I'm being hired on) and securing a host site or whatever.

At work, there is no consistency in the naming conventions of the components we use for our Servers. Someone kept talking about RAID Controllers and I couldn't find these on the site. I was like, "There is a 'Controller Card,' a 'Standard Disk Controller,' and a 'RAID Card.' I'm told that the RAID Card is synonymous with RAID Controller and is used because it is a desktop naming convention used for the consumer; it's assumed the first-time-server-buying consumer will understand a "Card" concept better than a "Controller" concept, a term used specific to a server. The reason all the bellyhoo: We're replacing all our server matrix pages with compare (complete systems) pages, something we implemented for our Desktops, Portables, "All in One," and "Destination" categories (I am not going to link to the matrix pages nor any Gateway pages except the home page; I don't want to jeopardize my job in any way). A little background: our matrix pages had all the systems (for example the 910C or the 910S) within a series (The Gateway 910 Series) displayed with several components listed (such as hard drive, operating system, or processor). The consumer could then compare all the systems within a series to each other and see what the main differences are between all the systems or servers within a given series. With a server, we want different information displayed in the columns (like processor, hard drive, etc.) for each series. So not only do we want to have different columns added for the servers compared to Desktops and Portables, but we want them platform (series) specific - and this is made more combersome since there is no naming convention consistent for Controllers. So there is a lot more coding we have to add to our ASP files. As I've said, RAID Card is synonymous with RAID Controller, but a RAID Controller is not the same as a Controller. So we have to specify for column A pull information from "Standard Disk Controller" and "Controller Card," then create column B to be populated with "RAID Card (Controller)" information from our database. This is what's been decided after literally 27 emails (I counted) and 5 telephone conversations. What a nightmare!

Some Random Thoughts...

I've decided on mid-January to get my car. That way, I don't have to be too frugal with my money, and can also get something in the $2000-$2500 price range. Though I went looking at www.signonsandiego.com and perused the used cars currently available; looks like some great buys for less than $1000. I think I'll save money with January 15th as a target date to purchase a car, but I'll look around and if I see anything nice that I can afford at that time, then I'll snag that.

It's official; later tonight I will officially enroll at 24hr fitness. I am so conflicted about this gym, but it so conveniently located near my home.

I agree with Jason (who subsequently agrees with Ben Brown, whoever he is); I hate that all I do is post links to other weblogs when I have so many ideas for essays, poems, and other assorted narcissitic ventures.

I'm so glad I'll have a notebook soon!! I get one so I can work from home whenever there is an emergency fix for the website or if I'm running late or can't come into work that day. This will be very convenient when school starts the end of next month!

Yea! Pensive Soul posted.

I'm removing the "Care to Comment" section; one because no one seems to comment (ggrrrrr!), and two because it's not working, and everytime I go to the site, a debugger program is enabled, and I have to click "no" about twenty times before I can actually get to the page.

I love Gap commercials! Taken from here. I remember a few years ago when Gap had several bands like Luscious Jackson singing "Fall into the Gap." Then they had 80s pop songs like Madonna's "Dress you Up" and Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough" with models lip-syncing the songs. THEN they had "Khakis Swing," "Khakis Country," "Khakis Soul" and the ultimate "West Side Story"-khakis saga sensation, with original choreography and all! The Gap's clothes are mediocre, but GOD their commercials are awesome! Check out Adcritic dot com on all your Gap-commercial needs. *end plug*

So it looks like I'll get a car Dec 27th or there abouts. I take my written test on the 15th, and soon after my driving test. Really looking forward to it.

Also good news on the job front; seems like I'll be hired on the first of the year. Benefits: Good!

There was a real point to writing this late at night, but I can't recall.

Babbling...

Don't tell me
I heard you
I know that
You know too

I know that something's wrong
I wished that someone'd tell me

Rainy days make me down
Yet I'm so happy
I'm still here
not yet gone
Struggling to find
Just what's wrong

Confesssion Time

I had to add the "mis-" to the name of this site, or else the abbreviation would have been "AA." As appropos as it may be, I don't need that kind of subverse "intervention."

Had a grand ol' time with Troy last night at the Loft. I can't believe he made me so mad to say something so tacky; this time a year ago, someone was shot at the Loft accidently (the bullet was meant for someone else). And as tragic as that was, I had to announce, "You know, Troy, isn't it time for another death at this bar," meaning that I was about to kill him. Troy, and Charlie and some bar entity/patron groaned. I didn't mean it at all; the entire night was clouded with the memory of what I said. It reminds me of the time I was in the Midtown Saloon in Atlanta on Karaoke night with a fresh haircut. My hair was cut way too short, and before I started singing, I said, "I feel like a cancer patient." I am sooooo dumb sometimes.

Troy said a lot of things last night that kind of upset me, things that shouldn't upset me, such as how much he loves me and how much he wants to hit me when I insult myself. He told me a lot of things I already knew about myself; how I build walls to keep people out emotionally, how I say mean things about myself as a self-defense mechanism, how I am very vicious to those whom I love. I know a few counselling sessions would be a good thing, but I'm just doubtful as to its effects. I want an instant cure; I know of people who go to therapy for 10 years and still aren't anywhere. I don't need that; I understand that I have problems and I know what they are, I don't need someone to remind me of them. If I did, I would get married. Actually, I just fear a "total physical and emotional breakdown" Mariah style. Working so hard to delay that (because it's inevitable - I was aiming around 35 years of age to experience one, to coincide with my mid-gay life crisis), I don't exactly jump and spin circles at the idea of casting aside all my hard work and pickled liver.

Troy also compared me to Devon, that tank of a beast! That was upsetting. But Troy was also telling me how much better I am than Matt, and I have to snicker in retrospect. When hearing this I was skeptical, but I wouldn't have been able to articulate why. Now I can say why; Troy only feels this way cause Matt is not his Psycho-Lover anymore. And this was reaffirmed this morning when I called Troy this morning to find out that after a week of not talking they were having breakfast together. Well, that doesn't really affirm anything but Troy's mental masochistic tendancies, but nonetheless!

Back from Palm Springs *hiccup* pretty much in one *hiccup* piece.

So much happened in Palm Springs (such as me - I was a nightmare Saturday night), but the only thing I really feel like typing is that I drove all the way home in David's car. I've never driven a stick-shift before, and actually do that at 90 miles an hour for a 150-mile trip - thrilling!!!

Other things worth remembering:

David and I went to the aerial tramway up the mountains right outside Palm Springs, I think they were the San Jacinto Mtns. What a beautiful site. It's amazing how the vegetation grows in only specific elevations, and as we were going up, we could see where one type of flora stopped growing, and another began. I was also overwhelmed by how the pine trees can grow into the side of a mountain. David and I theorized about plate tectonics and mountain birth. I want to go again with Zap and take pictures, as well as watch the movie the tramway has about how it was built. While we were in the bar having a cocktail to calm our nerves (there were these 8 year-old harpies shreiking and cackling the whole ride up), I mentioned to David that there should be available alcohol in pill form in time like we just experienced; being trapped in something the size of a coffin with annoying children. I thought I had a wonderful entrepreneurial idea until David reminded me about Valium.

I got really drunk and really paranoid on Saturday night. I was upset for several reasons: I had never really seen Kelly in the light of day pre-festivities (read: alcohol). I wasn't really impressed, but I still wanted him to want me (I am such a woman!) to satisfy my own ego. It doesn't hurt that he's really well hung (figuratively hurt I suppose), and that is a hard description to earn from me, no pun intended. Anyway, apparantly he's been boinking some strange fellow from a bar, and I was completely unimpressed with the guy. I was like, "hell, you might as well do me if you're doing THAT thing." (I was really bitchy, but don't think I said that outloud; I didn't) None of this is worth remembering, but Saturday night, in a moment of stupidity, or maybe just an extreme stupid move among many mundane ones, I went outside to take a hit of pot. When it came my turn, I took a deep breath and had to immediately cough, and that I did - right back into the pipe. The cherry went flying, mouths dropped, and I followed the trail of the cherry, a trail as captivating as a falling star, until it flickered out. As everyone's mouths were still dropped, with a wave of my hand I nonchalantly said, "Oh that happens all the time; pack the pipe with some more," handed the pipe off to someone, and staggered back into the bar as if nothing had happened out of the ordinary.

Sunday morning, poolside with a bottle of champagne and a pitcher of orange juice: Kelly was complaining about the whorrors of dating, ending his diatribe with, "Who needs a relationship!" I looked at him and grabbed my champagne class and quipped, "I have a relationship."