I relapsed last on Friday, August 27th. I did so because I was feeling very low and crappy about myself; my new friend Mark stood me up. Immediately my thoughts turned to What did I do wrong? Why isn't he taking my call? Etc. This has happened before. I had gone to a meeting but I felt like my feelings didn't ultimately matter and that life is shit. So instead of dealing with my feelings and the issues behind them, I ran from them and got shitfaced. I checked out. And I spent the rest of the weekend feeling sorry for myself for not only the rejection I felt but for the relapse.

I finally got in touch with Mark and found out he had had a horrible day Friday and that standing me up had nothing to do with me; he didn't want to involve me. I forgave him although I felt like the least thing he could have done was let me know that something was happening and asking if we could reschedule. Instead, he ignored my calls Friday and didn't get in contact with me until Sunday night after I sent him an e-mail. Oh well. I hung out with him on Monday night and watched Undercover Brother. I had 2 glasses of wine.

And last night I went out to play pool and had 3 beers. I never got to play pool cause the line was too long and I was ready to leave by the time it was my turn.

I need to start working out. I can bitch on and on about this. I also need to get to a meeting.