I wish I knew what would make me happy. It's 12:30am and I'm home high on caffiene cruising the chatrooms for I don't know what. But I wish it would stop. I was told I need to turn it over to God, and I thought I did. I guess I take it back to quickly. But I have to keep turning it over. I'm not supposed to get too hungry, too angry, too lonely, or too tired. It's the lonely part that often gets me. What do I do to overcome it. Last night was a big step for me, even though I didn't make it to midnight. I need to put myself out there. Do I attend every freaking AA meeting out there? I don't want to go from not having a life drinking too much to not having a life as Mister AA.

What will make me happy? I'm trying to study JavaScript and I keep coming back to the chatrooms and Adam4adam and ICUII. I guess I keep trying with the JavaScript until I can stick with it. I need to retrain myself.

What will make me happy? I had a great conversation with Ed after the 6 o'clock meeting. I should ask him to dinner or get his phone number. He is very intelligent, and I related to what he had to share with me. I was telling him how I feel like I should know what I wanna do with my life. Growing up my generation was groomed to pick an occupation and apply to college. Ed said, as my boss has said, that it's not important what program you choose to study for your bachelor's degree but that you complete it. It shows that you can start something and see it to completion. That is so difficult for me. For some reason it's hard for me to complete anything I begin.

What will make me happy? In the back of my mind I keep thinking it will be a man, but I know deep down that that's not going to happen. I want a validation that's unobtainable. I know that's certain. Let's focus on healthy, spiritual things. Stop with the chatting; I'm wasting time there. I want to be more constructive, smarter, more social, financially fit, in-shape, spiritually sound. Tomorrow is a new day.