I am so addicted to Big Brother 3. I typically become ill whenever reading or hearing about reality shows (except for The Real World), but BB3 has so much scandel and drama, and is really funny at times.

I finally got my truck yesterday. I took care of all my insurance stuff today; went to Eastwood and met with Rose on her day off nonetheless. She was a lot of fun and was really helpful setting up my insurance policy. I know it's in her best interest to have me upgrade my options, but she pointed out reasons why I should get a $500 deductible vs. a $1000 deductible, things that until that moment I had no clue about. Overall - a very smart saleswoman. My first payment was $291 and I'll then pay $121/month for the next 5 months with an automatic renewal at the beginning of the 7th month. There was some guy in her office named Chris that was extremely annoying and my gaydar went off on. I asked Rose what his issue was and she groaned telling me that she couldn't stand him. I offered to go over to Chris and scratch his eyes out for her. He was overly enthusiastic about everything - answering the phone, helping other employees, etc., not to mention he was very loud. I couldn't help but wonder if I am like that at my job and if people have the same response that I did for Chris. I don't think so, but my perspective is somewhat subjective.

Driving this truck - it's very cumbersome. I am surprised that it handles as well as it does; being so big, the truck, it would seem, would be hard to maneuver and navigate. Not the case - I went to visit my mom in National City and came across 2 cars parked tight together and I still managed to drive through both of them without any problems. I swear that truck can turn on a dime. Only problem is this is the first time I am driving a stick shift. I'm terrified that I'll be perched on a hill and accidently roll back and hit the car behind me. Thankfully I'm not in SF yet.

Speaking of my mother - I went to see her for the first time since May 2001. I found out my 2 youngest brothers were placed in foster care last February as my Aunt Mylinda had hinted a few months back. My mom is working on getting them back; she and Kenny have been off drugs for 3 months and Kenny is enrolled in DV classes. As hopefull as that sounds, I've seen these successful strides in sobriety before and their ultimate replases, so as optimistic as I'd like to be, I can't help feeling negative. My mother even acknowledged a similar sentiment; the reason she didn't tell me about Danny and Alex's removal was because she knew what I'd think: "There goes my mom fucking up again." I always think that but never vocalize what I'm thinking - I hardly ever do because my mother becomes so antagonistic and pessimistic about my recommendations: "No I can't get a job because I have no skills and have lawyers bills hanging over my head from the last round of child custody cases." This time, however, when I suggested getting job training, leaving Kenny and in her words "becoming an independent woman" she seemed very open to my suggestions. Normally she'd make excuses as to why she couldn't do anything; this time my mom agreed that free computer training would be beneficial for her and that she would be so much better off without Kenny. Her openness excites me. I also told her that her job training efforts would look good for the pursuit of getting Danny and Alex back.

I was still bothered about not being called when they were taken out of her custody. She said there wouldn't have been much that I could have done for them, but I told her if I had known I could have made arrangements to have them live with me instead of in a strangers home. She choked up on that. And it really chokes me up to know that my brothers are going through exactly the same things that I went through when I was their age. It really breaks my heart. I spoke to Danny today and he sounded really good, but I kinda shuddered when I heard him say "I'm watching a movie with another foster kid." I'm gonna visit him on Wednesday if it's okay with the state. I'm so amazed that he always asks about me and misses me when I haven't really been involved in his life. My other brother Alex is 3 years old so he barely knows me. Hmmmm. Now that I have this truck I have a great opportunity to be more in their lives and to also give them insight to normal life outside of that trashy trailer park.