I've helped Troy today do a yard sale to make some money to pay bills and rent. His boyfriend left for Pennsylvania on Friday, but on Thursday night we both came home from a 4th of July barbeque and they got into it. I had a great time at the BBQ, but out of all the 50 people that were there, I only knew the host, so I called Troy and asked him to come over. We left around 10:20pm to go to Troy's to invite Jason to go out to the Loft with us. They got into a fight; Jason viciously described how he slept with some girl and how he isn't gay or think he is and also gave Joseyln the car that Troy sold me after giving him a $500 down payment. Troy was pushed and fell and ended up slapping Jason, and the police were called, Troy was arrested for spousal abuse, and I ended up walking him. I stopped at Matt's to ask him for a ride home but he was too high (what eclectic friends I have), so I stopped at Pecs and played pool, getting a ride from someone I knew from the Gay Men's Chorus. Troy will pay me the $500 he owes me some time in the future - no rush. But I've helped him today moving things in and out of his place; he made about $200.

I can't help but remember some "bears" ad where he said he hated Bette Midler and was a total man; when I am going to be a man? Or at least feel like one. I am not yet a Man, yet not a Boy. Hahah, Britney Spears - I hate that bitch. That's too harsh; I don't hate her. She's an entertainer. Here I go again talking about gay things; I should just be happy being me, but someone it's never enough to satisfy me. I keep having visions of myself at 30 and I don't see my face, I see a body and actions and events, but no face; I wonder what that means.