Wow so much to talk about. I'm back from San Francisco (had a great time!), started school (I'm so excited, but books are so expensive!), and ran into Larry, the first real boyfriend I ever had ... as opposed to imaginary (I "annulled" my first one). I'm a bit stunned about running into him; I was 17 and a senior in high school when I met Larry off a phone line; he was 39 and newly arrived to San Diego. For some reason, he reminds me of Richard Gere - it's probably the Italian. Anyway, he's the one that drove me to UCR to start my freshman year of college. The following Spring Break while down in San Diego, I went to his place and hung out with him, and that was the last I saw of him until tonight on the 11. Following Spring Break I had a huge fight with my mother over her drug problem, went back to Riverside, and at the end of Spring Quarter I enlisted in the Navy semi-against my will (long story). Anyway he came on the bus and said, "Hey, Josh, haven't seen you in a long time." He'd come on the bus with who I assume is a friend. I didn't recognize him because he had glasses on, shaved his goatee off and had that bit of chin hair very popular right now, and a jacket hood over his head; I thought he was someone I knew from the Loft. And before he told me his name was Larry, I knew it was him, but I was in such shock! I had resolved myself to never seeing him again. This is the guy that I realized I was in love with only after he was out of my life. We talked and I was a bit dismayed at how he appeared; he reminded me of the type of guy my mother would date: a bit grungy... but he was still hot at 44! He's 5 months older than my dad. But he seemed to be out of it, like he was drunk or something. But he told me he was just thinking of me the other day! In retrospect that makes me feel so good; it's nice to know someone that I care a lot for and thought of often was also thinking of me time to time. I had to get off the bus, and I gave him my number, and I hope he calls me so bad!! But I don't know if he will; I don't know if that was his boyfriend with him, and if he does call, he'll hear my roommate's voice saying we are not home; maybe he'll think Rancy and I are together when that is just the opposite. I mean, I wasn't exactly blustering with enthusiasm to see him, though inside I was! I was just so shocked to see him that I guess it hadn't really dawned on me. I was too absorbed in taking him in. I was also weirded out by some things he told me; we were talking about the place he lived at in Clairemont and he reminded me about some people he thought were terrorists spying on him and following him (this was in 1996-1997). He said it was all true and he had to move. I don't remember any talk about people following him, or maybe I do, and I just played it off cause I thought he was joking, but hearing Larry talk about it tonight freaked me out; I had a flashback to "A Beautiful Mind." Now I'm obsessed with him again, wondering if he is going to call...he was a very well-rounded guy, though kind of simple in a shy way. He is very intelligent, handsome, and has the biggest dick I've ever...well never you mind. Sigh...I wonder...

It's also weird to wake up in San Francisco this morning, be back in San Diego within an hour and back in school all in one day. San Francisco is so beautiful! There is so much bay area to the bay area; totally amazing. Then I remembered that San Diego has a lot of the same set up regarding ports and bay area, but San Diego isn't impressive. I don't find San Diego glamorous; being a native San Diegan is very provincial? Is that the word? What I'm trying to say is that I think it's very small of me to be born in the same place, live and work there then die without ever living anywhere else. Close minded? Anti-worldly? I don't know; it's midnight and I have a headache, yet I have so much to write about. I saw UC Berkeley; it's so awe-inspiring! So much classical archetecture and intelligensia, burgeoning bohemian mid-bougoisie businesses and people to be found everywhere. I'm pretty sure I will be transferring here and not to UCSD; I want out of San Diego - it's time to leave the nest and spread my wings for real this time.

I only had one class today; Math 175 College Algebra. I'm really looking forward to it; I haven't had a math class in almost 6 years, so I'm pretty anxious, but I looked at the class syllybus and wasn't intimidated. Though I may be intimidated by the instructor. Not him so much but his teaching methods. Probably not, but he kept talking about how he isn't a mathematician and how un-precedented his methods are. Maybe that's what I heard, but oh well. I know it'll be find; it's just new-class/semester jitters I suppose. In class I found some journal entries from June 1999; I'd only been back in San Diego for 2 months, but already I see a pattern in my writing: it's men-observatons, a catalog of my lust. Also, there's an entry from when I found out about my Aunt Fern's hit-and-run death.

I got the last of my tax information today so now I can begin working on my taxes - not looking forward to that. I collected a week of unemployment and closed my 401k plan back in April/May, so I have a 1099-R and 1099-G form in addition to 5 or so W-2 forms to compute. I'll probably buy Quicken or some turbo tax software thing to do my taxes with since I don't qualify for the tele-tax anymore; since I collected income from my 401k, there's a lot more computation and what not that needs to be done.